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Things to Consider When Considering Couples Counseling

Things to Consider When Considering Couples Counseling
September 19, 2015
Whether you choose a verbal commitment, or marraige, when two people agree to build a life together. We are all aware that many couples encounter tumultous times in their relationships. For some couples, not everyone manages to stay true to their commitments.

I can't stress enough that difficult times do not necessarily mean the relationship is heading for a crash. It’s natural for people to start seeing each other’s flaws more clearly after they have spent a lot of time together. Learning more about who our partners really are, can be joyful though sometimes we can experience disappointments mixed in as well. But the disappointments do not have to mean your relationship can't work or heal. If you feel counseling may help get your relationship back on track there are a few things you should know.

Timing Is Critical:

Don’t delay counseling for too long. Sometimes, couples realize they are drifting into separate corners only after that has happened. It’s at that point you begin to feel “it’s too late”. It’s best to take action as soon as you recognize there is a problem.

Picking The Right Therapist:

It’s very important to work with someone who is the “Right Fit”. We know it can be extremely difficult to find that person. You need to pick a counselor who can understand how the two of you interact, who can help you see your impact on each other, and who can understand that both of you are important, no matter “who did what to whom”. A counselor has to help both of you feel welcomed if counseling is to work. Talk to a therapist to feel out if they are the right choice. If you're not sure, ask for more than one consultation before making a decision.

Make your needs clear - they can be different for each of you:

When you head to a marriage counselor, you need to have a clear picture in your head as to what do you truly need and what you think the problem is. You should have some insight into what you hope to get out of your sessions, especially if you want to save the relationship. Knowing what you need will help you know if your counselor has understood why you are there.

A Counselor Is Just A Mediator:

One thing that is helpful in the beginning of counseling is the understanding that going to a counselor doesn’t mean all your troubles will be fixed. One of the hallmarks of a good counselor/therapist, is the skill to help you improve your skills in order to have an impact on your relationship. Think of a counselor as a mediator who will help you learn how to communicate and talk to each other in a language that will help you get closer, solve problems together and be more intimate. The right counselor can help the two of you learn how to communicate so that eventually you can do this on your own.

Don't give up:

Try not to give up on each other. Sometimes relationships need a second chance and part of that is learning how to be better at negotiating and acceptining the other person for who they are while also getting more of your needs met.

If this article has helped you make sense of what couple's counseling can do, give me a call to talk about whether we might be the right fit for what is going on in your relationship.