Marriage Counseling is often very similiar to Couples Counseling but because not all couples have decided to make marriage part of their lifestyles, and legalize their relationship, I have separated these categories.
Marriage Counseling can be a last resort. I often hear, "I want a divorce" which signals that someone has "reached the end of their rope" and wants to communicate just how bad they are feeling. But they might not really want a divorce, they may just feel stranded. This word, used to be hurtful, signals trouble. Divorce is a threatening word and brings up defenses leading to more fighting or if it can be turned into a productive direction, it can be a wake up call for help. Seeking help earlier often helps, but in any case, when a couple feels they have tried to work something out without assistance, and are still experienceing the same difficulties, it is likely that it is time to seek a third party to talk to.
With most (but not all) cases, married couples have expressed joint wishes to legalize a committed, long term relationship, sometimes with the intention to begin a family. Society puts more weight on marriage and often both participants are not entirely clear about what that means. Difficulties that arise often have to do with communication but other issues find us asking questions such as: Did I do this too soon? Do I want to be monogamous? Do I want to share my finances with my spouse? Do I want control over my time and friends? Moreso we feel certain things and wonder "why didn't I see this about him/her before" and often we "can't possibly say anything" or we say too much. (There are other issues often addressed for any serious couple. To access a general summary of frequent couples issues please use the Couples Counseling tab on the left.)
Couples counseling helps teach us to speak to our partners, and to negotiate the waters of emotional and practical problem solving. Although nothing is black and white, counseling should help each participant separate what is "their stuff" and what is "their partners" and negotiate new ways of being together.
In the 25 years I have been seeing couples, I have found one session a week is a useful plan. I see couples for 60 minute sessions. Occasionally I find it useful to see each partner alone. This helps each person to take inventory and ascess whether they are talking about the things they find important.